"There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. Just tap it in. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. 5. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". It can be difficult. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Boo who? "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". The Dalai Lama himself. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. ~ Sijin Bt. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. I'll let you beat me. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. Boo. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. course sometime. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Find the ball. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. I'm pretty good with my short putts. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. but I can show you what is! Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. The battle that raged inside each players head. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. 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Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Correct one fault at a time. Whos there? The next minute youre hemorrhaging. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Dirt your body. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? 9. 2. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. All lip, no hole. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? You must remember not to remember to think. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Damn, girl. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Why a carrot as a logo? Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. Spread your legs a little more. 22. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? What do you call a blonde at a golf course? I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. "Golf is like a love affair. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Choose I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Everyday I'm Schauffele. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Golf is the easiest game in the world. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Your fifth putt. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. Golf is a lot like life. Your email address will not be published. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. You hit down to make the ball go up. no! Do you know why the game is called golf? What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. He attacks it. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Andy who? And there are windmills. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Roarin' Mcllroy happen again! Please add a link to this site. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Wash your balls. Knock, knock Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. Achieve more with each and every round you play. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. 3. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. Nuts! Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. -Lee Trevino Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. fodrizzle. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Because you got me soaking wet. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Why don't golfers ever eat pie? You swing left and the ball goes right. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! There are no absolutes in golf. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. 3. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Why are golf and sex so similar? Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. A great shot is when you pull it off. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" 3 of 10. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. Do you know what the Lama says? 4. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! 3. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Because he thought every day he needed to play around. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Why not! His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Bruce Lansky. Try choking donw on the shaft. Basketball is a sport for black men. 5. 19. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. The 19th hole. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. I like to go low. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. Eight. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. The threesome were curious what was going on. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? So, I'm on the first tee with him. Lee Trevino, 59. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. And that thought is: Dont think. Wanna be my caddy? From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Whos there? Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. Knock, knock Nothing. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." A fan in the crowd said Mr. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. I . If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Are you looking for some funny jokes? I give him the driver. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. Your email address will not be published. 5. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Jack Benny. They have a hard drive. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. In case he gets a hole in one. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. Lift your head and spread your legs. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. What did the duck say to the golf ball? John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Required fields are marked *. 8. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. 2. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Just in case they get a slice! With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. 8. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Peter Jacobson, 33. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. I know what to look for. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. Wodehouse Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". The right place is right here with me, in my bed. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Lee Trevino. Enjoy! Oh my God, what have I just said?". If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! If you drink, dont drive. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; I like big putts and I cannot lie. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Dirty Golf Sayings. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. 2. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? He said. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. I give the ball some sweet talk. Get in the hole! What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. "Golf is my profession. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Two rounds a day are plenty. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. On a golf course, nature is neutered. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough?
